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NINE STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
Dr. Fred Luskin: Nine Steps to Forgiveness.
Retrieved from:
http://learningtoforgive.com/9-steps
1. Know exactly how you feel
about what happened and be able to articulate what about the
situation is not OK. Then, tell a couple of trusted people about
your experience.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to feel better. Forgiveness is
for you and no one else.
3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with the
person who upset you or condoning the action. In forgiveness you
seek the peace and understanding that come from blaming people
less after they offend you and taking those offenses less
personally.
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize
that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings,
thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not from
what offended you or hurt you.
5. At the moment you feel upset, practice stress management to
soothe your body’s fight or flight response.
6. Give up expecting things from your life or from other people
that they do not choose to give you. Remind yourself that you
can hope for health, love, friendship, and prosperity, and work
hard to get them. However, these are “unenforceable rules:” You
will suffer when you demand that these things occur, since you
do not have the power to make them happen.
7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your
positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt
you.
8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead
of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving power
over you to the person who caused you pain, learn to look for
the love, beauty, and kindness around you. Put more energy into
appreciating what you have rather than attending to what you do
not have.
9. Amend the way you look at your past so you remind yourself of
your heroic choice to forgive.
PERSONAL FORGIVENESS CONTRACT
Click Here To View Contract
ARTICLES, REPORTS & WEBSITES
Journal Articles
Can Christian Divorce Support Groups Influence Forgiveness and
Health Outcomes in Black Divorcees: A Phenomenological
Investigation. Saunders, M., Curtis, D., Alexander, A., &
Williams, E. (2013). Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 54 (7).
550-575.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/272123208_Can_Christian_Divorce_
Support_
Groups_Influence_Forgiveness_and_Health_Outcomes_in_Black_Divorcees_A_
Phenomenological_
Investigation
Reports
CDC's African American Health Report 2017. Retrieved from
https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/aahealth/index.html
Endless Grace: The Story of Forgiveness. Retrieved from
http://www.peacepoint.com/endless-grace-a-story-of-forgiveness
Global Forgiveness Initiative. Retrieved from:
http://globalforgivenessinitiative.com/
International Forgiveness Institute. Retrieved from:
https://internationalforgiveness.com/
International Forgiveness Day. Retrieved from:
https://www.cute-calendar.com/event/international-forgiveness-day/25805.html
Heartland Forgiveness Scale. Retrieved from
https://www.heartlandforgiveness.com/take-the-hfs
Transgression Related Interpersonal Motivation Inventory
https://www.midss.org/transgression-related-interpersonal-motivations-inventory-trim-18
The Power of Forgiveness. Retrieved from:
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/the-power-of-forgiveness.html
A Campaign for Forgiveness Research. Retrieved from:
http://www.forgiving.org/default.asp
What Forgiveness Means: Retrieved from:
http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/research/
Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance. Retrieved from:
http://forgivenessalliance.org/index.php
REACH Forgiveness Resources
http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/reach-resources
How racism makes us sick. Dr. David Williams. Retrieved from:
http://www.tedmed.com/talks/show?id=621421
Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls’ Childhood.
Retrieved from:
https://www.napequity.org/blog/girlhood-interrupted-erasure-black-girls-childhood/
New Psychology Study finds Adverse Childhood Experiences
Transfer from One Generation to the Next. Heath McCoy. Retrieved
from:
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-06-psychology-adverse-childhood.html
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